I'm
not a slut, I just love love
-
Pink’s Slut like You
Chapter 2: Questionable Morals
†
Once the novelty of brightly colored math decorations had worn off, I found myself
just as bored in math as I always was. The comfy armchairs someone had placed
in the room (“to make it homey” my aging Math teacher, Mrs. Pufferman had said)
only seemed to make falling asleep more likely. Fortunately there wasn’t any
learning going on today. An hour later, the loud voice boomed over the speaker
once more and we were released for different torture.
Latin
was taught in the language building, which, for reasons unknown to Liv, was
shaped like a tape recorder and headphones. The teacher, Magister Dominic, was
a funny little man in his late 30s who liked to add a joke to everything he
said. Leaving the room after class, I was content that there was at least one
class I would not completely dread attending.
Liv
had been with me every step of the way, but I had clung to her a bit as classes
went along. I was polite to those she introduced me to, but I was too
distracted by my surroundings to pay attention to who was in any of my classes.
I know the Luke and his brother had been in at least one each; Zack’s limp had
grown in the past few weeks, and while it wasn’t obvious as he sat, I could
tell he was in pain. I was glad to see him without a walker, but wished he
would use the cane instead of leaving it idle for Luke to carry when he refused
to bring it with him. When we reached the beaker shaped building Liv turned to
face me.
“Ok, Jenna, you’ve
done really well in all of the other classes, so I think you can do this. Ill
bring you to your classroom, but… I’m not in your science class, and seeing as
I my own class three stories up, I’m sure you can sit through it on your own.”
I must have
blanched, because she quickly added, “Don’t worry! Wait in your classroom when
you’re done and Ill come and get you and we can go to lunch together, ok?” I
nodded, embarrassed that she’d seen my nervousness. I was the ‘tough one’, but
I guess even ‘tough ones’ have first days. Being out of my element had given me
a disadvantage.
Not
unkindly, Liv grabbed my arm and pulled me through the building. Past
classrooms and poster boards alike, Liv steered me through the maze of hallways
until we turned a corner and an immense Aquarium, filling up a two-story
stairwell, top to bottom, filled my view. I stared in wonder at the coral
polyps glistening an aqueous rainbow of gritty terrain as a clownfish appeared
between an anemone’s tendrils like a magician from behind a curtain. I wanted
to study it more, but even as I spied the iridescent eyes of an eel from inside
a gaping cavern, Liv grabbed my collar and dragged me across the hall to a door
jutting out from an opposing identically structured Stairwell.
Unlike the one across
from it, this one had shelves and shelves of brass and steal gears and motors
all moving and whirring away like a clockmaker’s shop. The whole stairwell,
encased a door, and the walls below the instruments were lit along the bottom
by gas fires contained within a glass wall. Clear ducts ran from these fires to
a mechanism at the top, just below an upper arboretum. A humongous knotted
tree, situated one floor above, rose up through the mouth of the building’s
beaker-like construct, and I wondered for a moment how everything stayed dry
when it rained, with an open vent like that. Other smaller trees cascaded down
what must have been an artificial hillside creating a waterfall of foliage.
Some of the trees had begun to change colors. A metallic sign posted near the
classroom door announced that the carbon dioxide let off from the fires in the
glass were controlled and used as a resource to promote plant respiration,
while also heating the entire campus. I’d seen a green building before, but
nothing like this.
All
of this I took in in only a few seconds, as I was pulled through the doors
lined with fire walls. While I continued to study the various moving machines
from inside the classroom (the walls were glass on both sides, it turned out), Liv
looked around for a seat, and having chosen one, plopped me down into it, before
sprinting to her own class.
Feeling
a little dazed and embarrassingly in awe, I studied the human components of the
room. The teacher, while absent, made a large presence, and despite the room
having limited wall space, Posters covered every available surface. Two mottos
were hung at the front of the classroom from pipes in the ceiling. The first
was the school motto, “Nobis in Sapientia Pascat” which I had translated one
day when the summer had taken an uncharacteristically wet and cold turn.
Brochures had assured me that it translated to “We feed on knowledge”, but when
declensions and verb forms were taken into account, I had found it
mistranslated: It actually said, “Knowledge feeds on us”. The second motto, for
I could only guess that a motto was what it was, concerned me a bit, and I
questioned for a moment the sanity of my teacher. For Mr. Helvawitz, as his
nameplate on the desk proclaimed him, had strung to the ceiling a lengthy swath
of black fabric, which read in a bright red, spiky font, “WHEN YOU BURN, YOU
LEARN”.
I
blinked then shook my head. What kind of
place was this?
I
began scanning the room for people I recognized from previous classes. A few
rows in front, I saw that girl named Trisha talking animatedly to an Asian boy
with brown hair, who’s named I believed was Kevin Collins. He’d been in my
Latin class before this. Scanning the rows behind, I didn’t seem to know anyone
back there. Gracing my own row, there was a mousy boy twitching as he swung his
feet in a desk too tall for him, and on my right sat a boy I had seen in
pictures but never actually met.
“Oh, its you!”
It was only after I said it that I realized that
Asher had probably never even seen me. I was notorious for dodging out of
pictures or at least covering my face during them. He raised an eyebrow but smiled
lightly as he replied, only slightly awkwardly:
“Its me…? Have we… met?”
More crimson welled up in my cheeks. I had no
plan for this and lying would only seem stupid later.
“My
name’s Jenna—uh, Jenna Doloramor. You know my friends—unless you aren’t Asher?”
The
boy nodded and relaxed back into his seat. When he chuckled it was easy and
breathy. His hair was short, ashy blonde, and he had a cowlick that gave his
hair a natural edge. He wasn’t bearded, but several patches of scruff were
visible where he had missed shaving. Like Luke he wore a black button down
shirt and belt. His tie was plain blue grey and some wear was evident as if it
had been well taken care of but well used. His pants were dark, and it took me
a moment to realize they were made of black denim.
“You
can get away with those?” I asked, gesturing at his legs.
“Not
a fan of the royal garbs, princess?”
I
couldn’t think of any quick comebacks, so I settled for ignoring his comment.
“Black
jeans—they’re Kosher around here?” I asked again.
“Sure
on me, but that’s cause none of the teachers want to steal a glance at my legs.
I have a flat ass, you see.”
I
glanced at his butt for just a moment in spite of myself. It seemed pretty
average to me, but I wanted Asher to like me. Liv had said he could be kind of
rude, but so could Zack and Luke, and I wanted him to be my friend so I could
integrate into my friend’s social group without drama. He seemed the type to
enjoy a good fight.
“Really?
I was going to ask you if Sir-Mix-A-Lot had used your bubble butt as
inspiration.” That caused him to snort into a smile.
“How
old are you? That song’s got to be almost twenty years aged.”
“No
way—” I said. “I used to hear it played at middle school dances—it’s only a few
years old, right?”
Asher
gently cupped my hands in his and leaned closer to me. He gazed at me and I
noticed his green eyes were flecked with red-brown stippling.
“I’m
sorry Jenna, but that song couldn’t be about me, and it couldn’t be about you—”
For a second I was incredulous—my curves were plenty kickin’. “—because that
album was produced in May of 1992, before we were born.” He looked at the wall
with the whirring gears. “However, from the second I popped out of the womb a
month later, it has been my anthem. Because I do, Jenna, I do. I like big
butts, and I cannot lie—”
“QUIET
GUYS AND GALS!”
My
lips curled into a smile as I turned to face the front. I was still shaking my
head at Asher, but I had to admit I liked the guy. It hadn’t been lost on me
what Asher had said about his birthday. 1992… So he was a little bit under two
years older than me, but still in high school. Despite my curiosity, I vowed
not to ask him about it, or even snoop information out of Liv or the twins. His
past was his own. If we were ever close enough, I’d let him choose to tell me.
The
progression of this class was the most bizarre yet. Mr. Helvawitz exuberantly
explained to us what we would study in the coming year, and that’s about where
all relevant things left off. Upon
finishing the syllabus, he immediately started in on a lecture of the proper
way to peel an orange. I tried to follow along, but none of it seemed important
so I passed the time doodling in my notebook and occasionally chancing a look
at Asher. To my satisfaction, he was writing in his own notebook, paying less
attention than I was. Listening was a lost cause. When he noticed me looking at
him, I shrugged it off, hoping I had looked love stricken and not like I had
been wondering about his age difference. By the end of the lesson, I saw that
he seemed interested in what I was drawing, and I looked down at my paper
myself. I’d been absent-mindedly drawing a chicken.
Just
before the bell, I felt a slight bump on my right elbow. Looking up, I saw a
note had landed on the floor next to my converse. Picking it up, hoping
Helvawitz wasn’t a teacher prone to reading notes aloud when they were passed,
I carefully opened it. Seeing Helvawitz had moved on from orange peels to
talking about the safety concerns of electric can openers, I figured it was a
safe time to read it.
In
excited scratchy handwriting Asher had written, “I have to leave straight after
class for a needs meeting at the front office. I assume you’ll be sitting with
us at lunch?” A needs meeting? I
wondered. Liv had said there weren’t many kids here with scholarships. How did
she not know her friend was one of them? The note ended with a smiley face. He
was watching me when I looked up. So I smiled at him, and folded up the chicken
doodle into a paper crane which I passed to him. He gestured, asking me if it
was the chicken, using charades language instead of words. When I nodded, he
pumped a fist and put it in his pocket without folding it.
After
that we doodled chickens, separate but now together as friends, pretending to
listen to Mr. Helvawitz talk about the possibility of fey folk in Ireland until
the bell for class sounded. Asher, true to his word, sprinted off directly
after, but stopped long enough to send me a wave. Meanwhile, I sat around,
waiting patiently for Liv to reappear and take me to the cafeteria. I was
starving. However, Liv had a habit of getting distracted. Gossip fueled her,
and while I’d only ever heard her gossip during the summer, when I was her main
outlet for discussion, I had to bet that in a school setting she could find
plenty of people to discuss the latest news. I stood up, hoisting my bag on my
shoulder, about to go out and wait in the foyer, where, at the least, I would
be able to check out more of the arboretum, but before I could, Mr. Helvawitz
had pounced.
“So, Jenny,” he asked in a loud
voice as if he were still addressing the class.
“It’s
Jenna sir.” I corrected.
“Oh,
right, right, right. My mistake. It was just the way Professor Lyre wrote it down—my mistake. Anyway, Jenna,” Continued
Mr. Helvawitz. “Where is it that you are transferring from?”
I
was relieved at how normal that question was. “Westhawk Regional.”
“Local,
ah, I see, I see. And, well, you must know the answer to this question Jenna:
How exactly do under-privileged students feel about the use of the Spork over a
separate fork and spoon, given the option?”
I
literally had no words for that.
“JENNA!”
Liv ran into the classroom. I dodged that
bullet, I thought still a little shocked.
“Sorry Mr. H, we’ve got to run. Jenna still
needs to take some brain efficiency tests. I was just running off the paperwork
just now. We’ve got to go.”
Smiling
broadly, Mr. Helvawitz shook his head and replied in a sincerely happy voice,
“That’s perfectly fine Olivia. Take young Jennifer and have fun filling out
those Brain efficiency tests. See you tomorrow, Gals.”
“We
will!” Liv said, and I nodded, forcing a smile onto my face.
It was only after we’d left the building and
made our way through a quad that I was no longer sure if the Brain Efficiency
Tests had been a joke or not. Liv giggled when I brought it up.
“But who would
believe that?” I said.
“Apparently Mr. Helvawitz would. And you by
the sound of it.” I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to wipe the smirk
off of her face as she said that. I’d vowed to take the higher road though, and
it didn’t require much effort to let it go.
“Where
is this lunch anyway? I’m starving.” Food and I had a love affair not even my
mother could prevent.
“Where
do you think we’re headed? Girl, maybe you do need a brain test.”
“You
will not let that go, will you.”
“Ha.
You wish.”
“Is
that what took you so long? Getting yours?”
“Oh,
that.” She rolled her eyes. “I was just preparing my bio teacher. I wanted to
know if I could get extra credit for reading some book on amebas over the
summer. Turns out that we were supposed to read it anyway, so all I ended up
doing was telling my teacher that I’d only done the homework by accident. Not
quite the stuff I’d need to impress him.” I tried not to judge Liv for what or
who she did, but since the summer, she’d talked about one thing: getting with
an older man. She’d picked her bio teacher, a man I’d never met but who’s
russet, flowing locks and Heath Ledger good looks I had heard about in far too
much detail. Liv may have had some game with boys and girls our age, but I
seriously doubted her chances with a teacher as stoic as Zack had told me Mr.
Angues.
“Ew,
what’s with you and old men, Liv?”
“40
isn’t old- 50 is the new 40, so 40 is the new thirty and thirty year olds are
hot.”
“I’m
not sure that’s how that works.”
“Well
he sure looks thirty.” She said, folding her arms and sneering at me.
It
was a giant apple, the dining hall, with a large worm sticking out of the top as
a turret with a table and students eating their meals, a view of the campus at
their feet. Liv and I walked towards it, Liv still reciting the wonders of Mr.
Angues
“Appetizing,”
I said, gesturing at the butt of the worm that came around to make a handicap
ramp to the door of the cafeteria.
The
food was just as bad as the building’s entrance. The pasta was crunchy on one
end, and falling apart on the other. I watched as the lunch lady slopped a hunk
of mashed potatoes on my plate: the outside edge had a tough, leathery skin and
when I poked it to determine texture, found the insides icy cold. I tried not
to think about it while I waited for Liv to show me where our table met.
Following
closely behind Liv as she wove in and out between tables, I was relieved to see
that I knew everyone sitting at the table.
“Zachary
Frederick Cane, how are Ya!” I boomed, as I reached the table to give him a hug
before he could stand up. I didn’t want to watch him struggle, but I also
didn’t want him to think I was worried, so I gave him a light punch on the arm
which he returned affectionately. I sat down next to Zack and Luke sat down
next to me, ruffling my hair a little. Liv trotted along behind us and set her
things down between Asher and an empty seat. I had pretty much known from the
get go she didn’t think of Mr. Angues as her soul mate, like she sometimes
said, so I wasn’t surprised to see her trying to grab Asher’s attention. She’d
flirt but she knew she never went far with anyone before she got bored and
moved onto the next.
“You
treated our girl, Jenna, nice and well is Helvawitz’s class today right,
Asher?” She asked, pinching his cheek.
“Of
course, don’t sweat it. I gave her the full run down.” Asher said, rubbing down
Liv’s arm with his hand before pinching her in the side and making her squeak.
I was a little surprised for a moment. Then again, I knew Liv had always been
the flirty type, and I’d already pegged Asher as the same. This just made it
look like they were together.
“Honey-boo-boo-bear-muffin-face”
Zack said, turning to me, wildly gesturing to look like the cover of a romance
novel. I played along.
“Suger-baby-lip-rose-kiss-nummer-farts!”
I said as he pulled me onto his lap. I tried to support most of my weight on
the bench without it being obvious to Zack. We brought our faces close together
and his eyes merged together into one out of focus pool of grey. To sell it, I
wrapped my arms around his neck, weaving my fingers through the short soft
hairs on the back of his head. We rubbed our noses together for half a second
then looked up. Luke looked genuinely amused, as he lay back, unaffected by the
closeness. I turned to Liv who had an odd expression on her face I couldn’t
quite identify before switching to disgruntled. Asher’s features were distorted
into a look of amused disgust.
Liv
tried to get his attention again but he put his hand over her face.
“That
was the greatest use of the wibly-wumbly-gross-cute-couple dialogue I have
heard in a long time. Congratulations, children, I will have to talk to the
academy, but you may have earned yourself a Grossy nomination,”
“Oh
come on,” Liv scoffed. She grabbed Asher’s head between her hands and turned
his face towards hers. I felt Zack’s muscles constrict where I was touching him
and heard Luke sigh, exasperatedly “here we go…” as Liv brought their mouths
together, going in tongue first. Asher looked genuinely shocked but went along
with the kiss until she pulled away and said, satisfied,
“Now
that’s how you earn a Grossy.”†©2007-2014 Lex Vex
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